I fired off this email to the family of the person I have been helping through Cancer Treaments. Please let me know if I went too far.....
Dear Pegs Family,
Good Morning, This a little log I have been keeping for myself. Was not going to send it to you but after yesterday I think you deserve it. Have a nice day!
Really, Peg's family,
How on earth can you leave your relative out here to suffer!? Alone, hungry, sick, in deep, deep pain & scared out of her ever loving mind!
You gave her up to a Friend of adistrusted relative. That relative has only been to see Peg less than a handfull amount of times since her serious & life threatening illness. And then just to judge Peg & her current living situation & being ready to jump on the bandwagon ready to nail Peg to the cross for being a drug addict! We ALL know now that it was CANCER eating her bloody alive!
All she wants, folks, is a little love & comfort from people she loves & trust. I guess that would be you guys, her family? Though I don't know why she would want any of you around.
Examples of why I feel this way, week of June 5, 2012:
Peg's Daily Routine, The Real Story
June 5, Tues
Peg pleads with me, "Please go,Suzie's driving but I just want you there cause I'm scared!" So I change my schedule around & it was not that easy!
OK, I go, 1st to radiation facility.Peg squeezed my hand the whole time we were there! Then she wants me to sit with her while the Dr's assistant explains what's going to happen to her. REALLY THIS IS PERSONAL & SHOULD HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER THERE!
Then it's off to chemo. We drive across town to new location for a 7hour chemo session! Again same thing, she squeezes my hand, gets close to me just to get a hug! She had a HORRIBLE chemo session. It caused her bladder to fill up fast & it became unbearable against her tumor! I helped get her down the hall by getting her up, unplugging her cord, walking her down hall only to get to bathroom & find Suzie going potty & on the phone, for a very long time. I know everybody has to go but to be inconsiderate to the patients receiving life saving medicines by using their bathroom was a mistake. They have bathrooms in hall for visitors. This happen couple of times so it prompted the nurses to put up a sign on door saying Not for Visitors use.
We get back in car to go home &1st thing Suzie does is get on the phone! Who is she talking to & why? She is suppose to be taking care of Peg. Looking out for her best interest. Making sure she is safe & secure because her family pays her for that because they cannot bring themselves to come out here & take care of their own relative. Right?
After we get home I still have to run my errands!!!!!
And you were not here to help me help your bloody relative.
June 6, Wed:
I came home from early morning appointment & Peg is going to her truck by herself, CRYING! (She told me she wanted to drive herself to save you guys some money.) What's wrong, I ask? Peg says "Please go with me to radiation, I don't think I can do this. I'min pain & feel sick." I said I had very busy day but she asked again. I told her I would be right back cause I would have to RUN now to take care of some of my errands before we went!
The treatment took longer than expected but I know this is exactly how the road to recovery works. It's allways something!
I told Peg I would not be available for rest of week.
I get home & now I am behind schedule on my own duties. I rush to clean my house & tripped & fell,hurt my arm! Not saying it's Peg's fault it's just I was trying to make up myown lost time & got careless. I went to Dr & it was sprained.
And you were not here to help me help your bloody relative.
June 7, Thurs:
We didn't see Peg ALL DAY! I knocked twice but no answer.
She was suppose to go for radiation that day. Peg thought she would be ok to take herself but found out that she was not well enough.
Hello People, this round of Cancer & it's treatment are much more serious than before. Have you heard this? Do you know?
And you were not here to help me help your bloody relative.
June 8, Fri:
This morning I hear Peg crying in backyard! She is shuffling very slowly towards her truck. I asked her what's the matter? she said "OMG! I AM IN SOOOOOOOOO MUCH PAIN, EVERYTHING HURTS& I'M STILL WAITING ON SUZIE! OHHHHHHHHH! IT HURTS, PLEASE WHY CAN'T I GETANY RELIEF!!!!!
Hmmm! I said. Why are we the chosen ones? Why can't these cries fall on your ears? Oh yeah, that's right, your family doesn't want to be here for that. You'll just leave that dirty little detail to us.
And you were not here to help me help your bloody relative.
Later Suzie brought Peg home, more like dumped her off. Peg was in pain, had anxiety & Suzie had just put the bags of food & groceries on floor & left! I thought, Wow!
Have you ever supported a cancer victim, donated to the "cause", said a prayer for someone you know who died of cancer, felt sympathy or wanting to help someone you see with this dreaded disease?
Well, then why isn't it Peg?
Last week I offered to finish Pegs treatments with her because I could no longer stand watching Peg go through this alone! I had to face my own ghost of this dreaded disease & forged forward. Peg was so excited & happy. Really, I already told you, I didn't have time for this nor did I want to do it. But OBVIOUSLY Peg has no one else.
So anyway Suzie gets a little upset about the change in Pegs plans. I said to Peg that I had no interest in getting paid for this & I certainly did not want to take any money away from Suzie. Peg decided to have Suzie take here on chemo days.
Hey, whatever. But when I had cancer, the books I read stressed the importance of a recovery team @ home, ofthe Patients Choice. Poor Peg, she can't even get that. Also, the importance of good nutrition during her treatments. Not pre-made, highly salted, convenience food to be warmed or not if she is not capable which differently happens a lot.
From time to time I check in on her to see if she would like some food. She lights up so & looks like a beat puppy being saved! I can't turn my back on her during this time & I am ahard ass! How can you guys do it?
I was not going to send this to you but now I am glad I saved it.
There has been many, many other days since then that Peg has not been able to function.
Fast forward to today, July 6, Fri.
I had an appointment this morning but changed it around because I was to take Peg to Radiation. She is usually here early for coffee but not this morning. I went to get her & she is a mess! Poor thing is sick, throwing up, nervous and ALONE.
Peg said Suzie was not feeling good yesterday but that Suzie had said it would not be a problem. Now Peg is sick.
I tried to calm her down by reminding her that this could be a symptom of chemo. Well anyway, really don'tyou guys know that there can not be not even one germ introduced to Peg for any reason???
I sincerely hope that if you or other relatives that are too busy to help Peg out come down with this most dreaded of diseases, that you are alone. But you know that that will not happen because Peg would be by your side, though I don't know why. Or, maybe this will change her, Cancer does that to a person.
Who made your dinner last night or were you strong & healthy enough to do it yourself? Unlike Peg who could not make her food last night. By the time I made her something to eat, she was asleep.
Hey have fun taking care of your new dog, make a few phone calls for Peg & don't let Peg's health problems bother any ones life out there. She will be the first one to tell you she's OK. And it cracks me up that you all believe her.
Can you even imagine the humility it takes for a strong person to ask for help. Peg has enormous grace & humility through this illness. Something you could see while holding her head while she pukes, wrenches in pain, cries out for Mommy & lays there alone on her bed.
I don't care if you think yourgiving her help, I telling you it's not help.
OH, P.S.!!!!!
July 6, 2012, evening
OMG! Peg just called & is crying cause she's hungry & needs something to eat! I told her she better get over her ass over here asap!
She got here & looked fucking awful! We brought her into our house, put a blanket around her, parked her on the couch, gave her the remote & fed her all weekend! We just could not turn her away. How have you guys done it? But really i don't care why or how,not now.
Remember what I said above about humility? Poor Peg.
Peg asked us, in the most sincere way, if there was any way we could rethink helping her out with treatments & recovery. Peg told us that Suzie can make her feel uncomfortable because some days seemed more about Suzie than about Peg. Well excuse me but I thoughtit was Peg with the Cancer. Peg also feels forced into a commitment to Suzie& that makes her uneasy too. Peg called Suzie to tell her of the new plans & Suzie would not let it go. She kept asking why & you don't like me & I bother you don't I? Peg was crying & I told her to get off thephone. Hello, at this point of Peg's little miserable life, she doesn't oweANYONE ANY explanation.
July 9, 2012
Hello, Pegs family! What did you dotoday?????
What did I do today?
I read a book in the lobby of Peg's Radiation Facility. I have read it before when I had Cancer and totally believe it to be essential in giving you the best chance of recovery. I gave a copy toPeg.
I then took Peg to the BloodFacility, across town.
Then brought Peg back to my house.Stripped the blankets she used over the weekend, put them in washer, covered her with clean blankets, tucked her in, kissed her & told her I would make her homemade soup. What? Are these things something you guys can't do???
I then spent the next 2 hourscleaning & scrubbing the kitchen counters & sinks. I wiped down thestove & refrigerator with bleach, like the book said. I set up a handwashing station with soap, disinfectant, hand lotion & paper towels. Did you know Peg was not to use the same towel to dry her hands? Well if you didn't then you don't know why either.
Peg had a very bad day today, upset stomach, fatigue, weakness, nervousness, loneliness...... But hey don't worry your pretty little head about cause I'm here you Fucks!
Really, can you really say there is nothing you can do for her? Then why is the Ronning Family strapped with the responsibility of taking care of your relative?
We have decided to help Peg through the reminder of her treatments & recovery. We will take good care of your relative as for some reason you guys can not. I told you Regina, I wanted nopart of Pegs illness, I don't have the time. But here we are and Peg is much happier today & she said it was because it made her feel better to just lay on our couch WITH PEOPLE AROUND! GET IT?????
So you just think about the next t-shirt you can send her with believe on it. Believe in what? A family that turned it's back on you when you were gravely sick? Or a phone call you can make and not about her day to day nutrition, her day to day care, her mental state, her fear, her pain, her vomiting, her loneliness. Don't send any food basket with the right kinds of foods she is suppose to be eating during cancer treatments that you lovingly research for her to have a better chance of recovery. No that's why I am here you Fucks.
As far as the so called "DailyReports" from Suzie, well when she takes Peg she can do it, that's her job.
I told Peg that you guys would never get a doctors report from me. If you want to know how she is doing, call the doctor your damn self or get out her and take care of your sister.
Like I said somewhere way upabove.....I don't care if you think your giving her help, I telling you it's not help.
Tues, July 10
I rush to go take my Grand Daughter to school. When I drop her off I then call Peg, who is resting on my couch & tell her I'll be home in 1/2 hour. Peg is very kind to watch our dog while I take the kid. After my call she calls the brother in law to come watch dog while we go to radiation. You see. It takes A LOT OF PEOPLE & EFFORT& EXPENSE TO HELP SOMEONE DURING CANCER TREATMENT!
I get home choke down glass of milk & PB&J & we are out of there. While on the way Peg starts to tellme about the Support Group. She tells me that there are 3 old people there thatare dying! They are very sick & this makes Peg feel awful!!!!! What a surprise, don't you think? How would you like to sit with these people just because you have cancer & you have no family to support you @ home?
I told Peg not to go. I asked if she thought a Support Group was suppose to make her more relax, feel better about herself, learn how to take care of herself, get tips on good nutrition & be around people that understand what she is going through & care about her best interest. Peg said yes that would be good. I then asked her if that is what she got here in our home & she said yes. I said, Then good, we'll stay here & get better.....
Then your Mom calls insisting that she go. Peg tries to explain just what I just said. Your Mom keeps insisting until Peg is in tears. I yelled @ your Mother to stop making Peg upset, Doesn't she know that a Cancer Patient above all else should avoid stress. I told Peg to hand up the phone because it is pointless to make you guys understand how bad she was feeling. I also told her that you guys would be here if you really wanted to. I believe as Peg does, that your Mom believes that Peg may find someone there that will help her, take care of her or something, I don't know, I don't get it! And what up with the Riki????? Why doesn't your Mom just sendPeg $5.25 for a good cup of coffee that Peg could enjoy & feel? Or better yet, get the heck out here & see what Peg is going through.
I wrapped her in a clean, fresh blanket, put her back on my couch & she slept for hours! She woke & I had a good, nutritious, hot meal waiting for her. Peg gobbled it up & went back to the couch. She slept for some more hours then went home.
wed. July 11
Same routine as mon & tues.
But this morning Peg said "I feel great." Her eyes were bright, she looked rested & she had alittle smile on her face!
On the way to radiation she said shewould love a kraut dog. On the way home I stopped my the market & we bought more ginger ale & kraut. I had everything else.
She went to sleep. But true to the Cancer treatments her good day quickly went bad! Her stomach in upset, she vomited,its over 100 degrees & she is miserable.
Peg has a Doctor appt this afternoon. Suzie said she is taking her. OK, just continue to make Peg upset,you guys are not out here to help her anyway.
Like I said Peg is miserable. Her phone rings. It's Suzie. Suzie wants Peg to bring her a bottle of cold water. Peg tells her "I don't have cold water, I haven't any water, I am not at home & I am very, very ill. I can not get you water!" Peg goes to my kitchen & looks for a bottle of water to take out to Suzie...... Point isSuzie should not depend on Peg for one single thing. Little things do mean alot.
They get back. Suzie, Peg & I have to discuss the Chemo Thursday. Cause 1st Peg wanted me to go but remember Suzie would not let it go! and Peg felt pressure from her Mom & Suzie so itwas back on. I changed my schedule again. Then this afternoon Peg come backfrom doctor appointment & want me to take her to chemo. I told her I had already had plans! Well this made her anxious & I think Suzie already planning on not taking Peg on Thursday. SO I CHANGED MY PLANS AGAIN!
You see Pegs pain medications have distorted her thinking. Don't get excited, it's normal. I told Peg there are 2 whole months that I do not remember during my chemo/radiation & that was just fine with me. She is supposed to be deeply sedated for this.
After Suzie left Peg told me that the doctor told her that her tumor was not shrinking as he had wanted. Bam!Another blow to Peg's life & trust me she looked like she was beat up pretty good. And remember, only this morning she looked good. She curled up in a little ball, cried & went to sleep.
Meanwhile..... I have to take care of my stuff cause I can't do them during the day, blah, blah, blah!
I am finely tired of writing about, as you guys think, how well Peg is doing on her own. I'll just set my alarm to get up early to get the dog sitter here, for the whole day, pack my lunch, get Peg to chemo by 8:30 am, get her settled in, go to work for 3 hours, clean up, go back to chemo place, eat my lunch with Peg while the chemo is being pumped into her, as we are surrounded by many other cancer patients, some terminally ill & try to forget about my days in the chemo chair.
Hello people do you realize the extremely inconsiderate hardship your family has placed on us by taking care ofyour relative?
Your relative showed up on our doorstep, sick, broken & lost. We just took her in cause SOMEBODY had to.Get it?
It must be very convenient for your family to just think Peg is doing OK. Not have to worry about her care. Do you think things fall out of the sky for her. That she doesn't need company, food,support?
This is very inconvenient for the Ronning Family.
Thurs, July 12,
Excuse me but 8 a.m. & I have togo now. I have an Ice chest to pack cause I have to get my groceries while Peg is in Chemo because I don't have another time to do it because I am taking care of your relative for you. I have to get the brother in law over to babysit the dog & it's not free. I sit with Peg for her Chemo, get no breakfast, no lunch, we just had snacks from 8 a.m. to 6 p. m.
After Chemo is over @ 3 p.m. Peg hasme take her to the market before we go to radiation treatment. After radiationI have to take Peg with me to the Vet for meds for my dog. I tried to take her home but she insisted we get meds for the dog first. It was very kind of her tothink of the dog & I thanked her.
I get Peg home & settled back on MY couch, get my groceries put away, get dinner going for everybody & true to the Old Saying "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished!" Steve is tense, feels like his space is a little invaded, I don't know maybe because I spent the whole day away from the house, couldn't get my things done, had to rush home & make dinner quickly, neglected the dog? Whatever, so he yells at me, tells me I'm attacking him & he's upset in front of Peg. Then he wouldn't eat the wonderful, nutritious, healthy meal I took the time to make for all of us.
Peg & I eat then and only then can I go work on my garden, go for my walk & have a few & I mean a very few moments for myself! In fact I just sat there in the dark for a long while.
Don't you realized that I am only doing this because Peg didn't have anyone else to take care of her & we felt so sorry for her? She is a great person who deserves better than this. Hey, but don't get me wrong, I am not doing this out of the kindness of my heart, I didn't want any part of this, remember? Taking care of Peg was all Steve's idea & he can't take it after only 4 days & he's not even theone doing the running around with her. But everybody has a bloody Idea; YourMom with the Group Thing, You with the Drug Addict Thing, Her Aunt with the ‘Oh, pick yourself up & help yourself attitude. Well Peg had no hesitation co-signing for that Aunt when she was down on her luck, but I’ve always said, “Peopledon’t care about the money they don’t earn or who gave it to them!”
But nobody has the bloody idea about the getting up in the morning, cancelling your plans, packing items needed foryour day with Peg, the drive, the parking, the tears, the fears & best ofall; going to places & seeing the people that are not going to make it! Pegis skinny, pale, has dark circles & has low protein, calcium, red & whites cells. I don’t tell her this, but she looks awful, but hello she has cancer.
Really,why don’t you guys want to get in on this bandwagon? Oh yeah, for some fuckingreason, you think it’s my responsibility. Said this to you before too, “Peg is not my wife, not my sister, not my daughter, not my niece, not my aunt…………”This is a family matter that you guys have dropped the ball on.
I told you Peg was a tenant that we could not get rid of & we tried. Her illness has been a very big & disruptive part of our lives. Going on three years now! The messed up schedules, the neglected chores, the to do items I cannot get to all play apart in breaking people up.
But you guys wouldn't know that because it's me & Steve doing your dirty work & not you.
I told Peg again today that you guys could be here but, only if you wanted to be here! Guess not. You guys are real pieces of work. Blinders on, Backs turned, Don't face the truth, Selfish, Hands Off type of people. You just don't get it.
If you think I mad at your family, your wrong! I am furious!!! The "Oh, I can't afford it." "I can't fly." "I have a wife to support" "I have a business to run." "Not the right time of the year" "It's too far" "My car's not good enough" Blah, Blah, Blah, Really, Really, Really!
Like I said, you would be here if you wanted to be here.
Now it's 10 p.m, Peg has gone back to her house so now..... Let me ask you, Who the fuck died & made Peg our ward? I guess we could have said NO, AGAIN! But we could not. Now we are leaving on vacation & she is very upset. You know, no people around to support her, feed her, help her, play with her, stuff she needs from people sheconsiders friends.
Sorry I met you.
Fran.
P.S. Peg needs another blood transfusion.
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